Let me be honest….I had no idea how hard it would be to be a sports parent! After my first son was born I daydreamed about sitting on the sidelines giving him the same reassuring head nod that my dad gave me before every game. I thought about the high fives and hugs I would give to the team parents next to me as we watched our cute little ballers make their first buckets. I imagined the car rides home where we would have deep family conversations about how sports is really a metaphor for life and review all the lessons that would build character. Fast forward a few years and a few kids later and well, that’s not exactly how the picture turned out. I’ve often thought that parents need positive parent coaching to know how to navigate this uncharted territory!! Parents get a really bad rap for being “crazy” but the truth is nobody prepares us for all the emotions that youth sports will bring up. Nobody tells us that when we see our precious child out there getting bumped and bruised and bullied and benched that our hearts will hurt more than if it was happening to us.
Positive Parent Coaching
I can not claim to be an expert in this area as my oldest is 14 and I have a lot of years to go and a lot more challenges to face before I have it “all figured out” (p.s. that never happens). I can tell you that I have worked hard to go from the yelling parent on the sidelines to the one that sits quietly and cheers positively. Below I have gathered the advice from some of the best sources I can find to help parents set their kids up for success not only in sports, but in life. Even with all the best advice, we will make mistakes, Lord knows I have already made plenty! Be easy on yourself, this sports parenting thing is no joke! We can use all the positive parent coaching that we can get. Most importantly, let your kids know when you’ve made a mistake. Modeling accountability for your kids may be the #1 lesson that you and sports can teach them about life.
Enjoy watching your children play, not coaching them from the stands. -Frank Martin, Head Coach of University of South Carolina Men’s Basketball, (watch video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dki7xQXmYLk)
Refs very rarely single handedly determine the outcome of the game. They will make mistakes, they are human. You would not like someone at your workplace screaming at you every time you make a mistake. Model respectful behavior for your children as they will follow your lead.
Stick to a 24hr (I prefer 48hr) cooling off period where you do not talk to the coach about the game. It is amazing how time alone will calm your emotions and help you decide if it really is important enough to address.
On the car ride home just listen!! I know, so hard, but so important. Your child may be silent, just listen. Your child may vent about things you don’t agree with, just listen. More kids quit because of the ride home when parents bombard them with input, often out of frustration, than any other reason. Check yourself before you wreck yourself (and your child’s sports experience).
Teach your children to be good teammates, not superstars. -Geno Auriemma, Head Coach of UCONN Women’s Basketball, (watch video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FshSlvGVgTk)
Care more about your child as a human being than how many “matches/games” they win. -Tom Ryan, USA Wrestling Coach (watch video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGXpe1du0zs)
